Back to the Estate

[hattie_notqueen]

The ride from Maine via Kobie and portkeys wasn't exactly uncomfortable, but she DID let the Three Thousand drive since she was more worried about Kitt than what was going on on the roads.

As he pulled through the gates onto the large property, Hattie looked up and out the windshield briefly, then leaned over to run her fingers through Kitt's hair. "We're home, Kitt. We'll figure something out here."

She jumped out at the front door and let Kobie take him to the garage, going inside and asking for the butler and the gardener. If she could, she was going to avoid lifting Kitt into the house by herself. Not because she couldn't, but because she was fairly certain that she'd draw more talk NOT asking help than if she did.

Once he was settled on the bed, she thanked the staff and shut the bedroom doors. Then, she stood there and stared at the prone body of her husband.

Comments

[ki2k.insanejournal.com]

"I didn't have to tell you anything of what happened while you were gone, and yet I did. I didn't expect you to be happy, but I NEVER suspected that you were lying when you said you forgave me. We both know how that's gone, don't we?" He smiled, a cruel smile of his own. "Don't worry, Hattie. From now on, there is only one child in this house. I expect Kobie will be more than eager to take on the challenge of helping me to re-write my own programming." He paused. "That is, of course, unless YOU have any objections. After all, when I've tried to make similar decisions for myself in the past they've been roundly vetoed by you. I'm assuming by your words that I now have your permission."

[hattie_notqueen.insanejournal.com]

"I wasn't lying, Kitt, I was angry. I didn't expect you to leave for days without calling in retaliation-"

Her eyebrows went up and her mouth fell open. "Only one child? Are you serious? Is that what this is about? You think I've held you back? I've VETOED something?" She shook her head and held up her hands, refusing to let him see her cry. "Do what you want. You are so far gone anymore, I don't even-"

[ki2k.insanejournal.com]

"So angry that you had to make sure I'd never forget how badly I'd hurt you? And you're the one speaking of retaliation? YOU must be the one joking now, Hattie." He'd stopped on the stairs, turning to stare at her, anger and hurt but mostly calm fury smoldering behind his eyes.

"Don't even what?" He snorted in a mockery of amusement. "You can't tell me that you've already forgotten what a liability I am. How you won't ALLOW me to break my programming for YOU. If that's your concern, there's no need to worry. I'm not doing this for you. I'm doing it for me."

[hattie_notqueen.insanejournal.com]

"I woke up and you were holding divorce papers. It's not something I'm going to forget and maybe I shouldn't have thrown it in your face or whatever, but really? Driving off for two days without a single word? That's not a little extreme?"

Staring at him, she saw his fury and shook her head. "You want to kill people." She looked to the side and then nodded. "Okay, fine. You want to rewrite your programming so you can go and KILL PEOPLE, go for it. Knock yourself out. I'm sure that's exactly what Michael and Bonnie would have wanted for you. Go for it." Her voice had risen again. "I'm sure you'll be SO much happier with yourself once you've blown someone away. Have fun with that."

[ki2k.insanejournal.com]

He threw his hands in the air, frustrated and angry and disgusted and confused. "YES. Because YOU were gone, and the person who was HERE was not my WIFE and I had no RIGHT to have her BOUND to ME." Really, he'd explained that until he was blue in the face and it seemed to make no difference, she never seemed to understand. "Is it? I've never argued like this before. Is it?" He'd already told her why he did THAT too. Did she just not listen?

She just... she had no idea. Just. None. No, he didn't WANT to kill anyone. He didn't even really want that option. But he was so... ANGRY, angry with her for taking that decision away from him, and then for all intents and purposes calling him a liability after she'd done so. He was angry at her for thinking he'd allow someone to kill her without his being able to do ANYTHING about it. For honestly believing that nonsense. For not trusting him to be able to keep her or Gideon safe. She wouldn't put her life in his hands, after telling him she wouldn't allow him to change. It just... the whole thing gave him a headache, made him sick in the pit of his stomach. He was coming up blank with ways to explain to her what his intentions were. It was childish, it was petty, and it was the only thing he could think of to say. "I will."

[hattie_notqueen.insanejournal.com]

"No right to have her bound to you, but you did WHAT to her in OUR BED and-" Hattie was so sick of yelling and arguing. They were going in circles and nothing was being solved. Nothing was being answered. It was getting repetitious. "It doesn't matter. It's over. I should never have brought it up. I'm..." She was going to cry. "Sorry."

He had no idea what he was getting himself into, what he wanted from her. She just wanted HER Kitt: the one she knew wouldn't let anything happen to her on Earth. She didn't need to go anywhere or do anything out in space to have it proved to her that he'd take care of her. And now... now he was leaving or SHE was leaving and she just wanted it all to be over. All of it.

She heard him. The words slid through her and made her feel even more sick to her stomach, if that were possible. And when she lifted her head, all the anger was gone. It was just sadness and sickness and finality when she looked him in the eye and repeated what he'd said two days earlier. "Goodbye, Kitt."

[ki2k.insanejournal.com]

"I wanted her to love me the way I thought you did." Because it WAS her, just... something. His voice was flat, betraying no hint of emotion. If he allowed it in, it would overwhelm him.

He nodded, finally breaking eye contact, feeling utterly defeated.

[hattie_notqueen.insanejournal.com]

"She was stupid if she didn't love you at all."

It was all Hattie could manage before she just knew she was going to cry, so she turned her back on Kitt and moved in a very swift manner back toward their bedroom. Once there, she shut the door (but did not slam it), and grabbed a pillow off the bed on her way to the chair she always sat in.

Too late (as in, as she was burying her face in it to cry) did she realize that the pillow she grabbed was Kitt's.

[ki2k.insanejournal.com]

He slumped down to sit on the stairs, rubbing a hand down his face, then cupped his chin in the same hand, resting his elbow on his knee and staring out into space.

[hattie_notqueen.insanejournal.com]

For her part, Hattie was clutching the pillow to her chest, trying to keep from crying too loudly. Finally, she stood and pulled a different bag out of the closet and began to pack.

When it was full, she walked into the hall and chucked it toward the stairs before heading into Gideon's room to pack for him, too.

[ki2k.insanejournal.com]

It hit him in the back, knocking him off-balance so that he had to catch himself before he tumbled down the stairs. He didn't say anything. He knew what she was doing. Instead, he carried the bag back up the stairs to their bedroom and began to unpack it. If she was going to leave, fine. She'd have to re-pack. And while she was doing that, he'd unpack Gideon's things, because he knew that if she left, she was taking the baby.

Maybe he'd just go ahead and pack HIS things, too, while he was at it.

[hattie_notqueen.insanejournal.com]

Hattie was in the middle of packing Gideon's bag when she remembered that she'd left the diaper bag downstairs. Plus, his favorite blanket was in their bedroom.

She went back across the hall to their room and stopped short when she saw Kitt putting her shirts back in the dresser. "What are you DOING?"

[ki2k.insanejournal.com]

"You and Gideon belong here." He started swapping out her shirts for his. "With Kobie. He can protect you. I already have a place to go, so I will be the one to leave."

[hattie_notqueen.insanejournal.com]

"Clearly I can't be trusted with the super-secret cars around here," she snapped, reaching to take her bag back from him. "Give me that. Besides, where are YOU going to go? That shack in Maine?"

[ki2k.insanejournal.com]

He snatched it away from her grasp, staring at her. "What are you talking about?" He shook his head. "Kobie's not a liability. And if you must know, yes, I'm going to my shack, as you call it, in Maine. If that's all right with you, of course."

[hattie_notqueen.insanejournal.com]

"No. No, it's not okay with me. Kobie is not my-" She glared at him. "You're right. He's not a liability. But Kitt? Here? On EARTH? Right up until fifteen seconds ago, there wasn't anyone I trusted to keep me safe more than you."

She let go of the bag and curled her hands into fists. "Not. Even. Cam."

Then she spun on her heel and headed for the door.

[ki2k.insanejournal.com]

He hurled the bag across the room, clothes and all, not caring that it took a lamp out along the way. Then he sat down on the bed with his head in his hands. Kobie wasn't a liability because Kobie could defend himself, and Hattie, better than he himself could. Why only fifteen seconds ago? Whether by her words or by her actions, he'd felt incompetent for much longer than that.

[hattie_notqueen.insanejournal.com]

She turned when the lamp crashed and stared at him. "Have you lost-" She looked at the broken lamp and then back at him. "KITT! What is wrong with you? I can't- I don't wanna do this anymore. I can't. I've never fought like this before. I've never had anyone angry at me like this before. I don't know-"

Hattie couldn't help it. She started to cry again. "Do what you want. I don't care. I just-" She shook her head and opened the door. "Whatever."

[ki2k.insanejournal.com]

"And I have never had anyone, ANYONE, question my abilities before. My competence. I have never had anyone make me feel so useless as you have succeeded in doing. Not only do I have to live with the fact that I will never be able to live up to Cam, I also have to deal with the fact that you think of me as a liability. And why? Because I can't - I won't - kill. As if that is the ONLY way to protect someone. But when I make the decision to eliminate my weaknesses, I get told that you won't allow it. That I'm not the person you thought I was."

He turned to face her, his eyes cold. "You can't have it both ways, Hattie. I can't have it both ways."

[hattie_notqueen.insanejournal.com]

"That wasn't-" She stared at him. "That wasn't what I meant at all. You're not useless, Kitt. You've never been useless." She walked back toward him. "What does Cam have to do with any of this? You guys don't even fall into the same category. He's a pilot and a fighter. From what I understood, and correct me if I'm wrong, but you were never meant to BE a fighter, Kitt. And yeah, maybe I don't want you to BE that way. Maybe I like you the way you are."

She sighed, stopping at the foot of the bed. "I never thought you were a liability because you wouldn't kill someone, Kitt. I just don't think I can take a Trans-Am into the equivalent of medieval Europe." She waved a hand. "If you think killing people will make you a better you, who am I to say no, right? Maybe you need a better driver."

[ki2k.insanejournal.com]

"Yes, yes, he's a fighter, and like this, I'm too weak to do anything but stand by and watch and have people defend me. Because THAT'S what I was meant for, of course. What if I don't like that about myself, hmm?" He turned again, crossing the room to begin picking up the scattered clothing and tossing the items towards the bed.

"Of course. And you can't take me as a human because I'm a liability. Because you don't trust me to keep you safe. I understand. It's fine." He very nearly ripped in two the shirt he was holding. "And where do you propose I find another driver, Hattie? Please."

[hattie_notqueen.insanejournal.com]

"Advertise."

She took the shirt from his hands, possibly ripping it in the process. "How many times do I have to say 'training'? It applies to Cam, too. But, hey. If you don't like that about yourself, then do what you want, Kitt. I'm obviously nobody and have no opinion that won't get me yelled at or hated by my *husband*. So, go. Have Kobie rewrite your programming and be whatever will make you happiest."

Throwing the shirt onto the bed, she looked up at him. "I don't care."

[ki2k.insanejournal.com]

He slapped his forehead in mock disbelief. "Of COURSE! Why didn't I think of that? Advertise who and what I am so that all of Knight Industries can find out, too!" He shook his head, grumbling under his breath.

He snorted again. "You think I hate you. Brilliant. You cut me down and yet I supposedly hate you. That's a good one. Training. You don't even want to work with me on Earth, much less anywhere else. What's the point? No, wait, wait. What is your opinion of me, exactly? Either I'm competent or I'm not. At this point, I can't even remember anymore."

She didn't care. Well that made two of them.

[hattie_notqueen.insanejournal.com]

Her flippant remark had been an indication of how much she cared about him finding a new driver. But now that he'd mentioned it seriously... "You know, if you're a bit more discreet about it, I'm sure you'd have a gaggle of people willing to jump at the chance to work with or for you."

She made a disgusted sound. "I've said before that I'd work with you here. It's YOU that doesn't want me to work. I might get hurt. Someone might DO something to me. God, Kitt. What do you WANT from me?"

[ki2k.insanejournal.com]

"Except you." He started folding the shirts and other clothing that were strewn across the bed, for lack of anything better to do with his hands. Maybe the remark was hurtful, maybe it wasn't, but it seemed true enough to him. Apparently, they just... couldn't work together.

He straightened up, pointing a finger at her. "NO. No, that is NOT what I've said. Yes, pardon me for being worried that you might be hurt. Heaven forbid something like that should concern me! But I've NEVER said I didn't want to work with you. It seems to me that you're the one finding excuses as to why we can't, even here." He hated the caveat at the end. "And you've pretty much absolutely said you don't want to work with me out there." He pointed now in the general direction of... out there. "We're back to me being a liability, aren't we?"

That was going to stay with him for a long time, he knew it.