Back to the Estate

[hattie_notqueen]

The ride from Maine via Kobie and portkeys wasn't exactly uncomfortable, but she DID let the Three Thousand drive since she was more worried about Kitt than what was going on on the roads.

As he pulled through the gates onto the large property, Hattie looked up and out the windshield briefly, then leaned over to run her fingers through Kitt's hair. "We're home, Kitt. We'll figure something out here."

She jumped out at the front door and let Kobie take him to the garage, going inside and asking for the butler and the gardener. If she could, she was going to avoid lifting Kitt into the house by herself. Not because she couldn't, but because she was fairly certain that she'd draw more talk NOT asking help than if she did.

Once he was settled on the bed, she thanked the staff and shut the bedroom doors. Then, she stood there and stared at the prone body of her husband.

Comments

[hattie_notqueen.insanejournal.com]

"That wasn't-" She stared at him. "That wasn't what I meant at all. You're not useless, Kitt. You've never been useless." She walked back toward him. "What does Cam have to do with any of this? You guys don't even fall into the same category. He's a pilot and a fighter. From what I understood, and correct me if I'm wrong, but you were never meant to BE a fighter, Kitt. And yeah, maybe I don't want you to BE that way. Maybe I like you the way you are."

She sighed, stopping at the foot of the bed. "I never thought you were a liability because you wouldn't kill someone, Kitt. I just don't think I can take a Trans-Am into the equivalent of medieval Europe." She waved a hand. "If you think killing people will make you a better you, who am I to say no, right? Maybe you need a better driver."

[ki2k.insanejournal.com]

"Yes, yes, he's a fighter, and like this, I'm too weak to do anything but stand by and watch and have people defend me. Because THAT'S what I was meant for, of course. What if I don't like that about myself, hmm?" He turned again, crossing the room to begin picking up the scattered clothing and tossing the items towards the bed.

"Of course. And you can't take me as a human because I'm a liability. Because you don't trust me to keep you safe. I understand. It's fine." He very nearly ripped in two the shirt he was holding. "And where do you propose I find another driver, Hattie? Please."

[hattie_notqueen.insanejournal.com]

"Advertise."

She took the shirt from his hands, possibly ripping it in the process. "How many times do I have to say 'training'? It applies to Cam, too. But, hey. If you don't like that about yourself, then do what you want, Kitt. I'm obviously nobody and have no opinion that won't get me yelled at or hated by my *husband*. So, go. Have Kobie rewrite your programming and be whatever will make you happiest."

Throwing the shirt onto the bed, she looked up at him. "I don't care."

[ki2k.insanejournal.com]

He slapped his forehead in mock disbelief. "Of COURSE! Why didn't I think of that? Advertise who and what I am so that all of Knight Industries can find out, too!" He shook his head, grumbling under his breath.

He snorted again. "You think I hate you. Brilliant. You cut me down and yet I supposedly hate you. That's a good one. Training. You don't even want to work with me on Earth, much less anywhere else. What's the point? No, wait, wait. What is your opinion of me, exactly? Either I'm competent or I'm not. At this point, I can't even remember anymore."

She didn't care. Well that made two of them.

[hattie_notqueen.insanejournal.com]

Her flippant remark had been an indication of how much she cared about him finding a new driver. But now that he'd mentioned it seriously... "You know, if you're a bit more discreet about it, I'm sure you'd have a gaggle of people willing to jump at the chance to work with or for you."

She made a disgusted sound. "I've said before that I'd work with you here. It's YOU that doesn't want me to work. I might get hurt. Someone might DO something to me. God, Kitt. What do you WANT from me?"

[ki2k.insanejournal.com]

"Except you." He started folding the shirts and other clothing that were strewn across the bed, for lack of anything better to do with his hands. Maybe the remark was hurtful, maybe it wasn't, but it seemed true enough to him. Apparently, they just... couldn't work together.

He straightened up, pointing a finger at her. "NO. No, that is NOT what I've said. Yes, pardon me for being worried that you might be hurt. Heaven forbid something like that should concern me! But I've NEVER said I didn't want to work with you. It seems to me that you're the one finding excuses as to why we can't, even here." He hated the caveat at the end. "And you've pretty much absolutely said you don't want to work with me out there." He pointed now in the general direction of... out there. "We're back to me being a liability, aren't we?"

That was going to stay with him for a long time, he knew it.

[hattie_notqueen.insanejournal.com]

"I never said I wouldn't work with you, especially here." She looked down at his finger and then watched as he pointed into... nowhere, and sank onto the bed. "You mean when I said there'd be training? God, Kitt, do you even know what that entails? What it means to go 'out there'? I mean, sure, you aim for diplomacy, but some people don't want to hear it."

So tired now, she lay back on the bed and closed her eyes. "I wish I could explain how I was just... worried. Worried about things going wrong. I mean, you hope for the best and plan for the worst. And with you, there's just no way to make you happy. Protect your ass and I'm STILL in the wrong."

She shook her head, her eyes burning. "It doesn't matter. It wasn't even about going out there-" She waved her hand out in that direction, too. "I just wanted to see if the gate even EXISTED." A pause. "It does, by the way."

[ki2k.insanejournal.com]

"But the moment I express the least bit of concern, that's the end of it. You're finished." So it didn't really matter then, did it? He shut his eyes, clenching his fists at his sides as he counted to ten. Twenty. "Now how would I know what it entails if you're so gung ho about keeping me from finding out?" Why shouldn't he be able to handle the training? Perhaps it just wouldn't be a good idea to train with her.

He shook his head, looking to the ceiling, counting again as his fingers flexed. "There's no give and take, Hattie. All you ever talk about is how YOU have to protect ME. And that if your life is on the line, I can't be trusted to return the favor. Why should I be happy about that? When I propose a solution, YOU'RE not happy. What do YOU want from ME?"

His eyes narrowed suddenly as he looked down at her, lying on the bed. "I see."

[hattie_notqueen.insanejournal.com]

"What do you mean, keep you from finding out? I said training, three pm, remember?" Of course he didn't. HE was too busy being RIGHTEOUS. And then he was bringing it up. Again. And she opened her eyes and looked at him. "That's not it at all. I just don't think that you should HAVE to kill someone, go against what you were created to be. Do you? Do you REALLY? Because if you REALLY think that, Kitt? I'm not going to stop you. Not at all."

And when his eyes narrowed, she rolled hers. "Don't."

[ki2k.insanejournal.com]

"Oh, I remember. I just don't think it's a good idea for me to train with you." So much for his righteousness making him forget.

"No, I don't. But if I don't, you don't want me there. Either way, I lose."

He shook his head, the look on his face saying much more than any words he could form.

[hattie_notqueen.insanejournal.com]

Hattie lay there with her eyes on him for over a minute. She wasn't entirely sure what to say or where things should go from here. Taking a deep breath, she closed her eyes, then opened the before rolling off the bed and standing again, fixing her clothes.

"Kitt, you're right. I don't want you there. I don't want to be there. I just wanted to know if it existed. That was all." The smile she gave him was sad. "You don't want to train with me, then don't. You want to mess with your programming?" She gave a shrug. "Who am I to tell you no?" She spread her hands wide. "I can't change your mind, I can't say I'm sorry, I can't-" She shook her head, giving a laugh that was absolutely humorless. "I can't DO anything."

Reaching into her ear, she pulled out the earwig that kept her tied to Kobie and placed it on the nightstand. "There. I'm sure he'll be more than happy to hear from you." On her way to the door, she said, "I'm... "

What? What could she do? Go for a drive? Nope, she didn't have a car. Turning back to Kitt, she held up her hands. "I guess I'm going to go for a walk."

[ki2k.insanejournal.com]

"I thought we were going to find out together." What, she couldn't have waited a few more days? It wasn't like it was going anywhere! He shrugged and turned away, realizing the futility of arguing over it. It was done. He gritted his teeth. "You're my" - don't drop the F bomb, don't drop the F bomb - "driver, that's who." Because like it or not, right at the moment, she WAS still his driver. For now. Until he remedied that little difficulty because she'd made it clear it was no longer something she wished to do.

He had no certain idea of what the earwig was, having never seen it before, but he could make a very good educated guess, and fervently hoped that Kobie hadn't been listening in. It would be awkward to explain what had happened, at the very least, and impossible at best.

He nodded, not trying to stop her. He was still undecided as to his own course of action.

[hattie_notqueen.insanejournal.com]

"You. Left." She made sure that she enunciated the words with perfect clarity. "You LEFT, Kitt. You didn't call. I didn't know where you were. And by the time I found you? You were a MESS. I didn't know if you were coming back!"

She crossed her arms over her chest. "You're right. I'm your driver because no one else is. Because you're stuck with me. I'm sorry about that, too, okay? I'll help you find someone better or whatever. Someone you can go be all heroic and save-the-world with. Deal? Then you don't have to worry about me anymore."

[ki2k.insanejournal.com]

"And so naturally the thing to do is go look for the Stargate. Because it wouldn't have waited for a while longer." He waved a hand dismissively. Whatever, he didn't feel like bothering. He WAS beginning to wish he hadn't been found, though.

"Oh, that's right, I forgot. You know what's best for me. You know exactly what I want. Perhaps you're right this time. It's ironic - you're so concerned about me not changing my programming for your sake, and then you go and make fun of it. Well, Hattie, fine. It's a deal."

[hattie_notqueen.insanejournal.com]

"I needed to distract myself from worrying about YOU." She let out a frustrated groan. "I give up. I can't do this. You think I'm making fun of you, I think I'm giving you exactly what you want. How did we not have this problem before now?"

Shaking her head, "I don't get it. I don't get YOU, all of a sudden. I quit." So saying, she turned and walked out the bedroom door. Muttering to herself, "Make fun of what?!"

[ki2k.insanejournal.com]

"You weren't worried. You practically pushed me out the door!" He could answer that last part fairly well, he thought, but he wasn't going to, not even to himself.

She didn't get him. That was a laugh. He was trying to mold himself into what he thought she wanted him to be and SHE didn't get HIM?

He heard that. Tried to bite back the words, but couldn't. "'Someone I can go be all heroic and save the world with'. Because we all know I was programmed for life behind a desk, don't we?" He couldn't say it, but he could think it. Fuck this. "Don't bother leaving. I'm going." He'd had enough.

[hattie_notqueen.insanejournal.com]

Poking her head back in, she pointed at him, "I didn't think you were going to stay gone. People don't fight like that. Who fights like that? No one I know fights like that, Kitt. You just LEFT. And that's not making fun of you, that's stating the truth. You want to go be what you were meant to be. You're not meant to be behind a desk, Kitt. I know that. YOU know that. And maybe I'm not the right driver for you. I don't WANT to go out and explore the galaxy. I THOUGHT I had everything I wanted right here."

She gave him a look up and down. "I had no idea it was going to turn on me like this. I was HAPPY, Kitt. I just- I just wanted to KNOW. I would have been happy training with you. Working with you HERE. But it's not enough for you. You NEED someone who can do for you and be heroic. It wasn't a dig, it was meant to be truth."

[ki2k.insanejournal.com]

He stared at her evenly. "I'm not a person." Perhaps he'd stayed human for too long. He was forgetting who - and WHAT - he really was, and so was Hattie. He'd left because... because he'd never argued like that before with someone he loved. It scared him, being able to get so angry at someone, that the feelings of passion could be just as intense when the coin was flipped. When he spoke again, his voice was flat. "I suppose the sarcasm was just for effect."

He found his eyes wandering to the ceiling again, then closing. "I thought that you weren't happy on Earth. YOU are not meant to be just a housewife. Earth is too limited." He crossed over to sit on the bed, folding his hands in his lap.

"Fine. All right? Fine. You're right, I'm wrong, I'm sorry." He rolled over so he was no longer sitting, but lying on his side with his back to her. Because he wasn't sure that anything was really resolved, but he was tired of going around and around with her.

[hattie_notqueen.insanejournal.com]

He was doing it again, just shutting down. She had no reaction to that. She couldn't respond, she had no way to-

"Kitt. Just like you said I can't make those decisions for you? You can't make them for me." She sighed. "I am meant to be here with you. If I wasn't, I would have left a long time ago."

She watched him for a moment and then said, "I don't know what you want from me now. RIGHT now. At this moment. I can't read your mind. Maybe..." Her throat caught. "Maybe you're not meant to be a person."

[ki2k.insanejournal.com]

Shutting down was better than flying off the handle, right?

He heard the words, but already had counter-arguments. She said that now, but what about when she was older, and realized she'd wasted the best years of her life puttering around a too-large house? Where was the intellectual stimulation? She'd resent him, resent the fact that he'd held her back. Maybe not today, but he was sure it was coming at some point down the road. He wasn't Cam, or Teal'c, and he couldn't be the person that she needed to be able to rely on. So instead he'd wallow in self-pity and convince himself that she could do better. That she SHOULD have done better.

His laugh was bitter, muffled against the pillows. "Maybe I'm not." What did he want from her? He wished he could read his own mind to tell her that, too, because he had no idea. "But it's a little too late for that now, isn't it?" He had responsibilities. More than that, he had emotions that were far more intense than anything he'd experienced as an AI. He couldn't go back to that, not permanently.

[hattie_notqueen.insanejournal.com]

She watched and listened and finally realized what it was he wasn't saying: he was done.

"I guess it is." She couldn't stop the words from coming. "I'm sorry, Kitt. I am. I'm sorry you were ever put in that position." She paused, and then clarified. "With me."

Rather than go for a walk, she took the bag that had Gideon's things in it from their bed and walked across the hall to his room. She stood in the center of it and tried very, very hard not to break down.

[ki2k.insanejournal.com]

"You are the best thing that's ever happened to me." He was sorry that he'd put HER in an impossible position. Who did he think he was kidding, anyway? None of this was fair to her. If he'd been upfront with her from the beginning, she wouldn't be here now, stuck like this. She could have made the decision to walk away, and then she would still be in her world, with her friends and family, instead of here with only him and Gideon and Kobie. He'd deceived her into loving him, and now they were both paying the price.

[hattie_notqueen.insanejournal.com]

She heard him from the other room and it made her angry. "You don't get to say that," she called back. "Just stop. Not after everything else, no way."

Hattie stomped back across the hall. "You came into my life and you were PERFECT. I had dreamed about you forever, and I didn't even know it! And then what? You're a car? How unfair was THAT? But so what? I would have stayed with you forever, even if you'd never been human, Kitt. You KNOW this. You can't use that against me. Don't you DARE!" Okay, yeah. Now she was crying. "I loved you before I ever laid EYES on you and now you want to do THIS? I walked away from all that BEFORE the Stargate ceased to exist. How DARE you hold that against me? I wanted to be with you because I LOVED you. Nothing else. No ulterior motive. Because of YOU."

Shaking her head, she couldn't see, no matter how much she wiped her eyes. "You just don't GET it, do you? You never will, no matter how many times I go and beat my head against a wall. You want to be a car, go ahead. Want to be a man? Go ahead! Want to go kill people? I don't CARE. Do what you want. Just... don't you DARE say that I'm the best thing that ever happened to you. Not after all THIS."

[ki2k.insanejournal.com]

Apparently, she'd heard him. And whether or not he believed his own words, she didn't. And now he had no idea what to say, and perhaps for the moment he really WAS finished.

"Okay. I'm sorry." He didn't move, didn't look at her, just spoke into the pillows and wondered if the day was over yet.

[hattie_notqueen.insanejournal.com]

It wasn't that she didn't believe him. It was that she didn't want to hear it. And his utter apathy finally pushed her over the edge.

She shoved the shirts that were on the bed into the bag there, opened the dresser for a pair of jeans and added that to the bag, too, which she slung over her shoulder. She didn't say a word as she walked out of the room.

It was entirely possible that she was finished, too.