hattie_notqueen | Entries tagged with tbs

She'd been back on Earth for two weeks and hadn't seen more than several floors of the SGC. No sunlight, no moonlight, no blue skies, grey skies, white fluffy clouds... nothing. The one time she had gone topside had been the middle of the night, unauthorized and the stars hadn't even been out, much less the moon. Just darkness, which meant that the trouble she'd gotten into hadn't even been worth it.

( It was beginning to piss her off. )

Current Mood: irate

Any change, any loss, does not make us victims. Others can shake you, surprise you, disappoint you, but they can't prevent you from acting, from taking the situation you're presented with and moving on. No matter where you are in life, no matter what your situation, you can always do something. You always have a choice and the choice can be power.
- John Donne
========================

"The answer is no, Hattie, and that's final."

Daniel Jackson's voice was the same irritating matter-of-fact tone he'd always taken when he'd found a new translation that he was certain was correct. The only difference was that this one had the added 'Dad' filter thrown in and Hattie had to grit her teeth to keep her temper.

"You can't make that kind of decision for me," she pointed out. "I'm not a kid any more."

It was a harsh point of contention between them. THE point of contention, as it were. True, he'd seen her grow up. He'd educated her in all the finer points of literature, math, science and more, not to mention the pick-ups she'd had from Sam and Landry, Teal'c and Cam. He wanted her to go back so that her mother could experience all those things with her, too.

He wanted her to have a normal childhood. She knew this. Just as he knew that she considered what she'd lived and breathed to be perfect. Living eighteen years in .08 of a second was fine to her. It was what she had known. Exploring the Ancient database had given her a different kind of education, but one that was rounded, nonetheless. She had no doubt that she would pass any college entrance exam upon returning to Earth.

They were all going back, that much was fact. Teal'c had been chosen to stay old since he had so many years on the rest of them due to his previous symbiote and current Tretonin use. The only remaining question was Hattie.

She was fighting tooth and nail to get to stay old.

"You'd take your childhood, watching you grow up into the beautiful woman you are, from your mother?" It wasn't a new argument, not all on it's own. The 'watching you grow up into what you are now' bit was, and Hattie was prepared.

"Dad. Who's to say I'd be the person I am now if I grew up on Earth? I wouldn't know half the things I do now, I would have had to suffer through public education, I wouldn't have unlimited access to galactic information and-" She sighed. "You'd take my childhood from me? All the Christmases, the birthday's, the... the LEARNING, everything that makes me ME from me, now?"

Hattie was dangerously close to crying.

"I wouldn't remember, honey," Daniel pointed out, taking off his glasses to wipe at his own eyes. "I won't remember any of that."

Shaking her head as she lowered it into her hands, she felt the tears come. "I can't have my life taken from me, Dad. Please. You have a life to go back to, I'll just go back to diapers and never knowing the awesome things I have and it feels like such a loss."

"Even if you never knew it was a loss?"

She just nodded. There were things they never talked about, things she hadn't told him about. Things he might have known about, but things they'd never actually discussed. And it was heartbreaking to know that all of it would be gone, too, with no one to remember how wonderful and beautiful it had been.

Quietly, her dad spoke again. "He wouldn't remember, either."

"All part of the tragedy, Dad," she said as she stood. He could make the decision, but she had to decide how she'd react. She wouldn't become a sobbing wreck. Nodding once at him, she left the room, taking a deep breath and heading to the workout room.

Once there, she took her frustrations out on a punching bag until her hands were raw, then winced as she ran them under cold water in her quarters.

"It'll all be for the best," came a voice as her door swished open.

Hattie sighed and looked down, patting at her knuckles with a light blue towel which she tossed into the sink. "Glad to see you're taking it with such a hearty attitude."

"Don't be like that," Cam said, crossing the room and wrapping his arms around her just as she sat, which caused them to tumble onto the bed. "Even if you stayed an adult, I'd forget and treat you horrible like I did in the beginning."

She nodded and rolled into his chest, burying her face there. "I know. I don't want to forget this, Cam, even if I'm the only one who remembers."

Sensing the seriousness of her tone and feeling how tense she was, Cam tightened his grip on her and kissed the top of her head. "Then talk to your dad again, sweetie. Tell him. You always have a choice. And the choice can be power."

"Do you want me to remember, Cam? Or would it be easier if I forgot? Would you rather see me two again?"

"If you remember this," he murmured as he kissed her gently, "and that I love you," he whispered, "I don't care how old either of us are. Talk to your dad."

Hattie nodded, feeling more like she had someone on her side, the one person who mattered. Her dad, for all his good intentions, couldn't prevent her from staying an adult.

When it came time, when the barrier went up, Hattie hugged Teal'c for the moment it took for the ship to explode. The heat, the intense heat, then black nothing-

- as she was shoved to the side with more explosions and she swore she saw a little girl vanish. She lay on the ground, her arms covering her head from the sparks and falling debris until she heard Sam Carter shout they were entering hyperspace. The pull behind her solar plexus gave her pause and then she stood, brushing off her uniform.

The look in her father's eyes as he searched for the toddler he'd been holding onto and the way it changed into one of knowing when he finally caught sight of her was almost heartbreaking. She swallowed and took a step forward. "Hi, Dad."

Hattie Jackson
Stargate OC
1042 Words (not including quote)

Current Mood: indescribable

B. He has never been known to use a word that might send a reader to the dictionary. - William Faulkner about Ernest Hemingway
Poor Faulkner. Does he really think big emotions come from big words? - Ernest Hemingway about William Faulkner

"I love you."

There was so much more she wanted to tell him. How long she had loved him, how much she loved him, how deeply she loved him. She just couldn't.

She was fluent in several languages, a couple not even from this planet, and she still could not express to him how long, how much or how deeply she loved him. Worse, she didn't know why.

There was no doubt that she DID love him. Every time he looked at her, spoke to her... every time she so much as thought about him, her heart ached. When he smiled at her, she felt like the only thing in his world and it made her blush. Any coherent thoughts she had would flee from her mind and all she could do was smile back. She wanted to express to him what his smile did to her.

Touching him was something else entirely and she could spend hours trailing her fingers over his skin or through his hair. In bed, she wanted to kiss all of him, delighting in his soft groans and whispers. Every time they came together felt like the first and he'd said it best when he'd said foreplay was sex and that the making love came after. She wanted to tell him that she wanted to make love to him forever.

Being what he was, the touching was a treat in one form and interesting at best in another. She could have sat for hours in his driver's seat, just like when they'd first met, listening to him talk, watching the scenery go by. It was where she'd fallen in love with him, the mind within the machine. There was nowhere she felt safer, even if the only other person she'd tell was her father. The pride she felt in him knowing what he did, what he was, was immense. She wanted to be able to tell him how proud she was of him.

Yet, for some reason, she couldn't. The smile, she guessed, but something prevented her from properly being able to tell Kitt just how she felt all the time. How she wanted to be his, forever. How the jealousy he felt for Cam was so beyond unfounded, she couldn't express that, either. Instead, she had to settle for using small words.

"I love you."

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Hattie Jackson
Stargate (OC)
401 Words

Current Mood: flirty

A little bit pregnant? I've heard people use that phrase and I'm just curious as to what that means, exactly. Because you're either pregnant or you're not. And if you ARE, well... you are. That's all there is to it. Trust me. I know. BELIEVE me. And how do I know?

I'm a little bit pregnant.

Not just any 'a little bit pregnant', but a little bit on the 'odd' side of pregnant. Which, okay, I suppose a lot of women feel a little off, especially at the beginning. Let me tell you, I opted to go on this archaeological dig at the beginning of my pregnancy and while it was amazing and fantastic in terms of knowledge? It was grueling and tiring and absolutely AWFUL when it came to being pregnant.

My father, who was along for the expedition, had just been told I was pregnant AND the special circumstances under which I had found myself in such a... delicate state. In order to go on this little field trip, as allowed by my MOTHER, he had to make sure I was taking care of myself properly. She's a little protective. The 'properly' included taking a doctor with me, constant drinking of water and while being in Egypt generally means that water is a good thing, when you realize that you're starting to have to use the bathroom more often and can no longer sit for hours studying heiroglyphs? It's a little irritating.

Of course, that doesn't take into account the um, morning sickness. Now, I didn't tell Kitt because it wasn't THAT bad. I was gone a total of ten weeks, but for two of them, I could barely move. It was THAT. BAD. My father thought he was going to have to explain to my mother why something horrible had happened and threatened the doctor loudly and often, while flailing and cleaning his glasses obsessively. The DOCTOR, for all he was doing, had to explain to my father (who had missed the first six months of my mother's pregnancy with ME) that it was more or less normal, while apologizing for the way I was feeling. And, truthfully? It wasn't HIS fault.

It was Kitt's.

Which is why I didn't tell him. Because then I'd have to admit how I laid in bed for two weeks swearing that if I lived through it, I was going to get through his MBS and do some serious damage.

Live I did, and by the time my trip was over, I was feeling wonderful and kinda sexy. Plus, I'd missed Kitt and was no longer 'a little bit pregnant'. I just was.

Pregnant.

By a car.

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Hattie Jackson
Stargate SG-1
476 Words

Current Mood: embarrassed
Current Location: Just back from Egypt
Current Music: In my Life - the Beatles

He'd always managed to keep his temper from her. At least until two days after her seventeenth birthday. It was then that she went jogging on her own for a bit when she couldn't raise him on the comms system and, as she jogged past his room, stopped to see if he was around.

He'd just finished trashing the room and she furrowed her brow at the broken bits of model plane and the slats of his bed on the ground.

"Get out of here, Hattie," he growled at her.

She'd been fingering the piece of wing that she'd picked up from the ground by the door when he raised his voice and to hide the fact that he'd hurt her feelings, she tossed it toward the broken bed with a curt, "Who's the biggest idiot you know?" before turning and jogging off.

It was her own mistake, she would readily admit (to herself), going back a couple hours later. It had bothered her seeing him so beaten down. So, she headed back in that direction after a session with Teal'c and as the door slid open again, she saw Cam picking up what was left of the room.

"Didn't I tell you to get lost?" His tone hadn't changed much, and it still stung.

"Have you always been a jerk?"

This time, she didn't have anything to throw, but it didn't matter. She flashed him a dirty look he didn't see and walked away.

~~~~~

Six weeks later, they were jogging and he made a quip about her glasses, she remarked back about his shoes, he commented rudely on her hair and she stopped in the middle of the hall to ask, "Who picks out your clothes?"

"What's wrong with my clothes?"

"Ever think about picking something that doesn't say US Air Force on it?" She raised an eyebrow and moved the tones from teasing into derisive.

"I'm IN the US Air Force," he reminded her, his tone also changing. His, however, bypassed derision and went straight into, 'not kidding'.

"Still."

She resumed her jog and wasn't entirely surprised when he didn't join her again for almost three weeks.

~~~~~

"What makes YOU so special?" She was standing there with her arms crossed, the glare she'd inherited straight from her mother firmly on her face.

"Excuse me?"

Hattie faltered, and it showed, but only for a second. "I said, what makes YOU so special?"

Cam took two steps in her direction, and Hattie stopped breathing. He gave her a long look and said, "I'm still Colonel on board this ship and you'd do well to remember that, Catherine Hatshepsut Jackson. You're not your momma to be sneakin' around here."

At his pointed finger, she gave a small huff and spun on her heel.

~~~~~

It was New Year's and the entire ship had decided that it was going to be a semi-formal affair, the core producing outfits for everyone. She had chosen a dress that wouldn't cause her father to have a heart attack, but looked nice and accentuated the curves she'd come to notice on her body.

She headed down the hall and accepted Teal'c compliment with a quiet grace and a polite, "Thank you."

Her dad had kissed her cheek and spun her in a circle telling her that he was proud of her, but that she needed to go to bed early because it was going to be an early morning.

Grandpa Hank had said he wanted the first dance, Sam had said she liked how Hattie had done her hair and just then, Cam arrived.

"Hey, Cam," she said, refusing to admit to herself, much less anyone else, that his opinion mattered most. "Whatcha think?"

"It's nice."

"Nice?"

"Yeah, it's nice. Looks okay on you."

Hattie glared as the rest of the group started eating and ignoring the two of them, off in their own little corner. "What about you, CAMERON? You call THAT sexy?"

"Wasn't trying to impress you," he snarked back before heading in the direction of the food table.

This time, her feelings really WERE hurt. Who ELSE did he have to look nice for? Landry!?

It was up to her to ignore him and she did, taking turns dancing with Landry, her father and then Teal'c, who was nothing but gentlemanly toward her. Constantly and unwaveringly. He spun her around the dance floor and she laughed, totally enjoying herself. A faster paced tune picked up and she let go of Teal'c to move independently while still standing close. He, too, moved to the beat and the two of them laughed and smiled, enjoying each other's company. When the music ended, she placed a hand against her chest as a sign of fatigue and Teal'c took the hint, bowing slightly and moving back to the party.

Nearby, a voice came low and sardonic from the shadows. "That was dancing, not a fit, right?"

Hattie exhaled and rolled her eyes toward the sound. "As long as it was 'nice', what do you care?"

Shaking her head in exasperation, she stalked past him, completely unprepared for the hand that grabbed her elbow to stop her. The snarl made her heart drop into her stomach and for a moment she couldn't breathe as his voice came at her again.

"I care."

~~~~~

Months passed and they ran in silence, with that only being broken if and when Cam asked if Sam had made any progress with the core technology. It meant that Hattie had stopped working with Sam just so she could tell Cam so and he'd stop asking. One day, she arrived for their jog and he wasn't there. She shrugged and swiped her card for the level they ran on and her card didn't work.

Didn't work?

With frustration, she went from one transport to another her passkey refusing to work on any of them, effectively confining her to Level 14.

He didn't come to dinner, he wasn't in his quarters. She didn't want to tell her father or any of the others about any of the problems the two of them had been having because when she talked them out, it sounded so... petty. Worse, it sounded like some kind of... spat, and she hated that.

Finally, sometime in the middle of the night, with Hattie sprawled on the ground outside his quarters, he came back to his room.

When he swiped his card and his door didn't open he glanced down at the figure on the floor. He nudged her with his foot and she practically jumped to her feet.

"What's the matter, Colonel Mitchell? Can't get in?"

"Fix it."

"No."

"Fix it now, Hattie."

"No. Not until you fix my passkey."

"No."

"Who died and put you in charge?" Came her snapped retort and he paused, for a moment, flustered.

"I AM in charge, after Landry," he pointed out.

"I didn't go to Landry because this is STUPID. You're acting like a kid. I want my access back," she told him.

"There are things on this ship that aren't safe," he told her, pulling things out of his ass. Her eyes got wide.

"I've been on this ship since before I was TWO and now there are things on it that can hurt me? You want to try it again? WHAT can hurt me, Cam?" He stayed silent and she moved closer, poking him hard in his cotton covered chest. "WHAT can hurt me? TELL ME!"

"ME!" He finally shouted back. "I can hurt you. I can hurt you, Hattie. Me." With a groan, he pulled her close and kissed her, his mouth coming down on hers as if he'd never wanted to kiss anyone like that in his life.

For her, it was a dream come true. When he deepened the kiss, she followed his lead, completely unaware of what to do. It was her first kiss and she was at a loss. He wasn't pulling away, though, which meant she had to be doing something right. After another minute, he finally shoved her away.

"Go to bed, Hattie."

She blinked. "What?"

"Go. Away."

"Are you serious?" She was breathing hard and her face was hot and he was telling her to GO AWAY?! Was he out of his mind?

"I'm serious. We'll talk tomorrow, but right now-?" He shook his head and held up his hand and motioned at his door. "Fix this first."

Dazed, she reached over and swiped her card, then watched as he walked into his quarters alone. As his door swished shut behind him, she reached up to touch her lips. A smile crossed them and she felt a hot blush come over her again.

"Oh, my."

He was definitely in charge.

=========
Hattie Jackson
Stargate SG-1
1514 Words